Most Noble Runt

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a glorious new dawn for the Elmer glue empire.

Don’t go noble fellow. Stay.

Don’t fill the mylar and fly away.

We need your stability. We need your inert charm.

Even if you’re often found with a radiation alarm.

We love how you get low with solubility and density.

You’re our rock to reduce reaction volatility.

Fusion on earth is too hot to bare.

Two joined protons are far too rare.

Helium, how noble, how unyielding, how brave.

So few others make the electrons behave.

Don’t go noble fellow. Stay.

Don’t fill the mylar and fly away.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents Dr. Soong’s last flake of skin.

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The Mantle of Appetite

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a bratwurst birthday but only on Tuesday.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a bratwurst birthday but only on Tuesday.

A stomach on foot travels slow

Sliding on slime, the gastropods flow

In the current, bivalves sit and wait

Food comes to them, no need for bait

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a cloudy corn snake.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a cloudy corn snake.

A brain on foot hurries through the water

Cephalopod hunts end in slaughter

Phylum mollusca are a curious bunch

They can’t agree how to get their lunch

Gimme Some Bones

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the newest addition of the slowpoke waffle iron kitchen suite.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the newest addition of the slowpoke waffle iron kitchen suite.

It’s a structured frame to hold onto

It’s a brace to move when you want to

 

It’s armor for what is squishy and soft

It’s a blood factory that holds you aloft.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents an aggravated mumble worm infection.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents an aggravated mumble worm infection.

Jump on the Bandwagon. Ban the Account: Idea #0027

Be aware, unlike all of  my other posts, this is not an original idea. I’m jumping on the bandwagon…

In literature, one hundred and forty characters are overwhelming, but in intelligent discourse, they are inadequate or unintelligible. At best one hundred and forty characters can be used to make an incisive valid assertion that lacks nuance, and at worst they fit together to become a nightmare of incoherent hyperboles. Perhaps this explains why the Donald J Trump enjoys Twitter so much, for he, himself, is a walking nightmare of incoherent hyperboles.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the rebirth of roller skating for giant sloths.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the rebirth of roller skating for giant sloths.

Rarely does the DJT blubber one of his characteristic word jumbles without injecting a generic modifier like “tremendous, big, huge, or best,” into the mix. And who can blame him. He does, after all, know “the best” meaningless words, and he knows them big league. It only makes sense that these words are his favorites. If one is into self hype and advertisement, it is critical to make things sound appealing without lying. To do that, it is useful to use words that have no meaning without context, words that appeal not to thought but to emotional conditioning. Slogans, litanies, and trademarks, these realities of the DJT fit Twitter nicely and do well in stirring up mindless reactionary fervor and repetitive chanting. Unfortunately, that is not the job of the president of the United States. In order to understand the true responsibility of the president of the United States it is helpful to consider the role of the nation in the context of the world.

For all of its faults, the United States is still the momentary master of this fragile sphere spinning about Sol. It’s not because we’re the most democratic; we aren’t, not because we’re the most free and equal; we aren’t, nor even because we have a narrow lead in scientific research, but rather because we have a mix of positive attributes in addition to a hefty global presence. Put simply, our nation has it’s fingers in quite a few pots, the fingers of trade, foreign aid, and military might or tyranny depending on your perspective. This means that much of the world depends on us for stability, for protection, and for predictable commerce. Because our nation is entrenched in this vital and delicate symbiosis with the rest of the world, the greatest responsibility of the president of the United States, the POTUS, is diplomacy.

Alas, O lost we are for the incoming POTUS is the antithesis of diplomacy. Every day we’re fed examples of unpalatable rhetoric and unpotable promises. This POTUS picks fights over trivialities and disrespects powerful people without consideration of the consequences. He intentionally creates unnecessary enemies. He fights with the disabled, women, and grieving families. There was no need for a feud with Khans, or the former miss universe, yet he couldn’t let it go. Where did much of this conflict take place, Twitter, and it’s not just private citizens he targets with thoughtless remarks. He surrenders to impulse and tweets about China. He taunts Kim Jong-un. While it is important to show confidence in the face of threats, we do not need to taunt Kim Jong-un and give him added psychological incentive to succeed. The DJT’s unsupervised twitter impulses have now infected the rest of the globe. This is a problem. He’s no longer just the DJT. He’s soon to be POTUS DJT.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents over two centuries of toe sock manufacturing.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents over two centuries of toe sock manufacturing.

When you’re the DJT, nobody cares what you tweet about. When you’re the POTUS, the head of the modern world’s greatest military industrial complex, every tweet holds the weight of significant international implication. Every harsh word could be viewed as a veiled threat. When people or countries are threatened, they often take actions to protect themselves. The world does not need such a destabilizing influence. Furthermore, his attack tweets incite mobs of violent trolls to flood the target of his attack with hate speech and death threats. The incoming POTUS would be wise to restrain himself. Alas his twitter history is one of irresponsibility.

His pattern of behavior demonstrates that he can not be trusted to resist his impulses. He’s nothing more than a toddler in this regard. He can not be allowed to continue. We must demand that his twitter account be banned or placed in the custody of his slightly more responsible staff. This is not a case of free speech for two very obvious reasons. First because his twitter behavior incites death threats and harassment on a large scale, it is equivalent to yelling fire in a crowded theater. Second, Twitter is a business and can, with cause, reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. There is ample cause. If Twitter was a restaurant, DJT would be the customer insulting the wait staff and other patrons, sneezing on the salad bar, and throwing food. It’s time we ban the DJT from twitter. It’s time we take this toddler’s favorite toy away.

Who will implement this? Whomever we can find with the power. As of now, I am asking all twitter users to report the account @realDonaldTrump for violations that include abuse, harassment, and reckless endangerment of life. Alternatively Sign the petition found here http://www.thepetitionsite.com/175/134/527/

I was going to create my own, but unsurprisingly, someone beat me to it. Please sign the petition or report the account. Remember he’s not just harassing individuals, he’s threatening the security of United States and the world as a whole.

It’s time we take the bottle from this baby. Let’s mute his temper tantrums.  It’s time we citizens of the world take action and begin a petition to ban the DJT from twitter. POTUS unpalatable unpotable. It’s time we take this toddler’s favorite toy away.

Please note: it was never my intent to post anything but the seemingly preposterous on this site. I apologize for deviating from that format. This just needed to be said even if sites that are vastly more well known have already suggested it. I probably won’t dirty this site with well reasoned thought again.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the end of pancakes.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the end of pancakes.

We Need to Say No to Chemicals: Idea #0026

For far too long, we’ve been putting up with poison. It seems that every piece of meat, fruit or vegetable, every lotion, shampoo, and toothpaste, every toy, every vehicle and every piece of clothing these days is composed of some kind of nasty chemical. Studies show chemicals kill! It’s time we eliminate them once and for all.

Their insidious influence is inside us. They put thoughts in our heads and make our muscles twitch and squirm. Within our circulatory systems, within our very blood we’re saturated with chemicals. It’s sickening. Maybe it’s not that bad some might say to themselves. Sure there are a few unethical cutthroat corporations and government institutions that sell or manufacture things with chemicals, but that can’t be true for all of them.

Unfortunately it is true. Soon many citizens of earth will come to the alarming realization that every product ever manufactured, was and is made out of chemicals! If there was anywhere to run, now would be the time to flee for your life! Alas, there is nowhere to run, so keep sitting still.

img_5701

This image represents the last warning Elmo Monster ever got.

How bad can chemicals be, many might ask. It’s fairly straightforward. Whenever anyone feels angry, sad, lustful, greedy, or terrified, they’ve felt that way because of chemicals. In fact, it would be impossible for anyone to feel that way without chemicals. Behind every malignant tumor pulsing and strangling with unregulated growth, there are chemicals. In the core of those nasty herpes sores lay none other but the evil chemicals. When they clear up, they don’t go away but hide, slumbering in the nougaty nucleolus center. Every sneeze, sniffle, hiccup, ooze or gassy expulsion in any human being is a result of chemicals.

Every wrinkle, every rigid joint, every ache and pain of aging or growing has been brought on by chemicals. Any idea anybody has ever had, any action ever taken is caused by evil, evil chemicals.

They come out of our faucets. They fill the air. They even slumber on and in the ground we walk upon. They enter homes through the tiniest of spaces. The slide up are noses into the nasopharynx. They fill our lungs, branching into every bronchus all the way down into the bronchioles. Flee for your lives!

It’s time that we Americans set an example for the rest of the world and call for a moratorium on matter made of chemicals.

img_5607

This image represents fruit by the foot wrapped around a chili dog.

I’ve been gone for too long. It’s time to resurrect this blog. Now more than ever, the world is in great danger.

B is for bubble; bubble, bubble, bubble.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the nostrils of yor.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the nostrils of yor.

What’s that sticky spot?
Is it chunky? Is it gooey?
Does it smell a lot?

What’s that puddle slimy and slick?
Is it oily, is it greasy?
If I lick it, will I grow sick?

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the latest architect for an occupied Tibet.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the latest architect for an occupied Tibet.

Let me touch it.
Will this viscous slick stick?
Was is secreted and intentional?
Did it leak out unconventional?

Bacteria or glycogen rich,
never mind, who cares
apply to skin to cure an itch!

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents heads up 7up and back out the esophageal sphincter.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents heads up 7up and back out the esophageal sphincter.

Hip to B Squared

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the third shoe of the millipede martyr. Go diplopoda!

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the third shoe of the millipede martyr. Go diplopoda!

Plaid, perpendicular, loud, tacky and warm
Plaid, right angle rainbows, a parallel swarm
Plaid, lumberjack, pajama party, and grunge
Plaid is the wave the future! Take the plunge!

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the newest addition to the Brady Bunch pancake sandwich.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the newest addition to the Brady Bunch pancake sandwich.

The Solution to Abortion: Idea #0025

Artsy Photo:Click for full size. This image represents the new bubble gum of that dog's boy, Elroy.

Artsy Photo:Click for full size. This image represents the new bubble gum of that dog’s boy, Elroy.

Citizens of America, citizens of the world, citizens of Cygnus Alta Five, a great galactic injustice is going unpunished. That’s right, it’s the murder of precious, precious unborn babies, the least guilty of the human population. They haven’t even sinned yet, much less broken the law. Yes it’s true we’re all born with that nebulous original sin, but these babies are unborn and thus free of original sin. That’s right, they cannot yet be condemned for the sins of their ancestors. Abortion is a dreadful and complex situation. We’ve made some progress to solving the issue with intelligent questions, well a question at least that frames the debate in a thoughtful manner.

When does life begin? It’s a very meaningful question regardless of the fact that almost anyone over the age of four could answer it. Once that question is answered it puts abortion in context of significant legal precedents. As we all know, it’s illegal to kill things that are alive. Remember all those people jailed for killing bacteria and mosquitoes, not to mention all the incarcerated farmers, and deer hunters. As matter of fact we’ve jailed everyone who’s ever eaten anything. Wait….what we haven’t? Why are we asking that question then? Maybe there’s a better one.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represent dangerous new pants.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents dangerous new pants.

There’s a whole bunch of bumper stickers that tell us when the heartbeat begins. It starts in a handful of weeks after conception. Perhaps the destruction of a working heart is amoral. Remember when all those beef farmers were jailed for killing cows with heartbeats….oh wait. Ok new question.

We know that, with a few exceptions like war and stand your ground laws, it’s illegal to kill humans. What makes it human, or when does humanity begin? Is it a full set of human chromosomes? Maybe, but does that mean if I prick my finger and the leukocytes that escape through my wound die, I am guilty of murder? I suppose we could look to the brain, the seat of thought and everything that makes humans special beside the energy efficient bipedal posture. That sounds complicated though. We’d have to put thought into the debates. I don’t have time to sit through that. Don’t worry though. I have a happy solution for everyone that will avoid the messy discussions of the complex issue.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a King's quest tap dance.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents a King’s quest tap dance.

We’re just not interfering with personal choice enough. If we try to dictate reproductive choice after conception, it’s far too late. Instead the government needs to get involved before that slick, warm, wet, gooey event of joy transpires. Shortly before the onset of puberty, we must mandate birth control and vasectomies for all. We could even accomplish the goals with nothing more than mandatory vasectomies/spermicidal injections into the vas deferens. Now that the process is becoming easily reversible, its a humane and rational solution that is likely to make many boys and men smile once they get over their initial and irrational fear of the needles or scissors. Teenage pregnancies will plummet. Also if the policy is enforced only on men, women will be free of the burden of the disruptive endocrine effects inherent in many birth control methods, as well as unwarranted accusations on general sluttiness. I know it’s awful to think of women engaging in sexual intercourse for any purpose beyond the production of a human baby. It’s just not wholesome if they enjoy it, for shame!

After the vasectomies, when and if the man is finally ready for reproduction, he can fill out procreation form 1-B describing his financial and mental stability, as well as his fitness for child rearing, or if not that, the fitness of the mother in those regards. Once accomplished, after a short wait of 6-8 months, the vasectomy can be reversed in anticipation of reproduction. When all pregnancies are planned, abortion will be a thing of the past. We must protect the babies until were ready to neglect them. They’re innocent until they’re born. After that, when they’ve outgrown their cuteness stages, who the hell cares what happens to them?

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents scissors for sally.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents scissors for sally.

The Great River

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents counter proposal 1a between the street government of and the potato cake freak out of Nautilus 5.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents counter proposal 1a between the street government and the potato cake freak out of Nautilus 5.

Inorganic solute, pH, and fluid volume balance
Removing metabolic scraps and saving sugar
Using filtration and active transport talents
Renal filtrate funneled as urine down the ureter to the bladder station
Tumbling warm and wet from the urethra in the process of micturition
Every day the kidneys take care of the great river transit inside
monitoring and cleaning the pristine rapids, controlling the tide

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the new braid on Punky Brewster.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the new braid on Punky Brewster.

Square Pants Dance

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represent the nougat of Cassanova.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represent the nougat of Cassanova.

A loose community of aquatic friends
Working together for filtering ends
As the wet currents pass them by
Choanocytes catch the food on the fly
If broken apart there are no issues
Phylum porifera has no tissues

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents Princess Diana's feelings about Grover Monster's waiter skills.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents Princess Diana’s feelings about Grover Monster’s waiter skills.