We Need to Say No to Chemicals: Idea #0026

For far too long, we’ve been putting up with poison. It seems that every piece of meat, fruit or vegetable, every lotion, shampoo, and toothpaste, every toy, every vehicle and every piece of clothing these days is composed of some kind of nasty chemical. Studies show chemicals kill! It’s time we eliminate them once and for all.

Their insidious influence is inside us. They put thoughts in our heads and make our muscles twitch and squirm. Within our circulatory systems, within our very blood we’re saturated with chemicals. It’s sickening. Maybe it’s not that bad some might say to themselves. Sure there are a few unethical cutthroat corporations and government institutions that sell or manufacture things with chemicals, but that can’t be true for all of them.

Unfortunately it is true. Soon many citizens of earth will come to the alarming realization that every product ever manufactured, was and is made out of chemicals! If there was anywhere to run, now would be the time to flee for your life! Alas, there is nowhere to run, so keep sitting still.


This image represents the last warning Elmo Monster ever got.

How bad can chemicals be, many might ask. It’s fairly straightforward. Whenever anyone feels angry, sad, lustful, greedy, or terrified, they’ve felt that way because of chemicals. In fact, it would be impossible for anyone to feel that way without chemicals. Behind every malignant tumor pulsing and strangling with unregulated growth, there are chemicals. In the core of those nasty herpes sores lay none other but the evil chemicals. When they clear up, they don’t go away but hide, slumbering in the nougaty nucleolus center. Every sneeze, sniffle, hiccup, ooze or gassy expulsion in any human being is a result of chemicals.

Every wrinkle, every rigid joint, every ache and pain of aging or growing has been brought on by chemicals. Any idea anybody has ever had, any action ever taken is caused by evil, evil chemicals.

They come out of our faucets. They fill the air. They even slumber on and in the ground we walk upon. They enter homes through the tiniest of spaces. The slide up are noses into the nasopharynx. They fill our lungs, branching into every bronchus all the way down into the bronchioles. Flee for your lives!

It’s time that we Americans set an example for the rest of the world and call for a moratorium on matter made of chemicals.


This image represents fruit by the foot wrapped around a chili dog.

I’ve been gone for too long. It’s time to resurrect this blog. Now more than ever, the world is in great danger.


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