We’re going to need a big red stapler: Idea # 0015

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents the final day of John Candy's cat Missy. She won her final battle against the forces of Malfotron and their prickly pear pie onslaught, but succumbed to a heart attack moments after. Taken with 60mm

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents the final day of John Candy’s cat Missy. She won her final battle against the forces of Malfotron and their prickly pear pie onslaught, but succumbed to a heart attack moments after.
Taken with 60mm

Setting up institutions, and drawing up blueprints and contracts to save the world requires a lot of paper. Whenever there’s paper, there’s an inevitable need for stapling. That’s why the world needs an ultra bright, nuclear sugar powered, morphogenic nanotech metamaterial, brilliant blazing red stapler with giant, industrial strength staples.

It must be a deep, deep, brilliant red, the apotheosis of the color red. Many people think that the color red is merely one particular wavelength or set of wavelengths within the spectrum of visible light. They are wrong. It is more. True red must engender two specific primal emotions, lust and rage. If the color does not immediately launch the viewer into unending, uncontrollable acts of simultaneous fornication and violence, it is no red at all. It’s a flimsy, pond scum thin approximation. Using an approximation for paint is a suicidal shame.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the torment of a new baseball glove improperly worn on the head.

Artsy Photo: Click for full size. This image represents the torment of a new baseball glove improperly worn on the head.

Only with this red stapler can we withstand the furious, screaming bureaucratic paper storm headed our way. We’ll also need a couple of pens and a three ring binder. Also someone should order pizza or Thai food.

Chop, chop let’s go! This paperwork isn’t going to fill out itself.

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents a approach to paperclip castles.

Artsy photo: Click for full size. This image represents a new approach to paperclip castles.

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