Personal salvation and clothing: Idea # 001

Saving the world entails more than simple grandiose plans for trash, elections, and nuclear proliferation. It takes people, and our own personal conflicts and struggles are merely smaller components of the maladies that afflict the planet and its population as a whole. Therefore it is the intent of these personal salvation posts to provide viable solutions to all our trifling problems one at a time. First on the list: clothing deterioration.

We all have our favorite clothes. They’re comfy, fashionable, and are sometimes associated with warm comforting memories. Unfortunately, clothes must weather the ravages of time, the elements, and the occasional spill from fine or sloppy dining. Fret not. For while these inevitable misfortunes can seem like a social or financial setback, they are an opportunity. Like with people, scars give clothes character, and they are an opportunity for artistic expression and clothing growth. Introducing Frankenclothes®!

Related artsy photo

Related artsy photo

With no skill and meager intellect, anyone can rescue their own damaged clothing and create these masterpieces of personal expression and frugality. Sewing is easy. Just thread the needle, tie one end into a knot or slipknot as necessary, and weave it in and out, in and out, and in and out as needed. Thread is like glue for fabric! Sure you can try and sew patches with matching color and even stitching that doesn’t appear to be the work of a mentally handicapped ape, but then it would be harder for people to tell that you did it yourself. Where’s the fun in that? In the artsy photo above, (In retrospect, a red background would have been better.) the frayed cuff of the sweatshirt has been repaired by a crookedly cut and stitched scrap of blue fabric. The tear in the leg of the black pants has been hastily stitched closed  in a seam that speaks of the dexterity of a three fingered prodigy. The sock is a testament to the indispensable functionality of this minor skill and personal salvation practice. The patch covers a hole. As we all know, socks are incredibly susceptible to holes after only a few months, a tragedy that everyone experiences. Well tragedy no more! After all, what were you going to do? Go to the store and buy a new pack of socks for twelve dollars? Pffft, loser.

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