Facing great danger, the world needs more babies: Idea #0011

Unrelated artsy photo

Unrelated artsy photo: click for full size

The world is in constant danger. We humans face dwindling supplies of energy, food, water, and shelter, and increasing supplies of carbon dioxide, garbage, and metabolic waste. The solution is clear. We need to have more babies. Each one is, after all, a miracle.

For the sake of the diaper industry, we need more babies. For the sake of, strained carrots, peas, and Pfizer formula, we need more babies. For the sake of women’s rights, we need more babies.

Babies can commit no sin other than the original sin that they are born with. All they can do is defecate, urinate, drool, and vomit. Squeal! Aren’t they cute?! Babies can not wage war or say unkind words. They can only babble and wiggle in divine ignorance. They have not yet committed the sin of gaining knowledge. We must try to maintain their ignorance, so that they remain innocent.

As a society, it is our godly duty to encourage reproduction so we can maintain the indispensable exponential function increase in the baby population. Together, we must discourage contraception as much as possible. Only by increasing the cost of contraception, and limiting public financial assistance, do we ensure the healthy baby boom that this world desperately needs. By eliminating mandates on corporate bodies to fund these obstacles to the bloody miracle of birth, we can increase the baby population for the financially beleaguered.

As soon those deadbeat parasites create another life, we can begin instilling values of fiscal responsibility by defunding the social support programs that encourage handout entitlement philosophy. We need more babies, but we don’t want them suckling the government teat. When it comes to learning the value of a dollar, hardship is the best instructor. Seven billion miracles aren’t enough. Let’s make some more. Hallelujah!

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Unrelated artsy photo: Click for full size

 

This post marks just over 1% progress towards 1001 ideas. Only about

20 more years to go towards salvation at this rate.

A collection of recent, random artsy photos.

This is a gallery of visually pleasing artsy photographs I’ve taken that have supplemented my posts. Aren’t they spiffy? I think I will compile a new gallery after every ten world saving ideas. Let me know which is your favorite.

Another idea to save America’s broken educational system: Idea #0009

 

Unrelated artsy photo

Unrelated artsy photo

Greetings world citizens. As we all know, when America is in trouble the world is in trouble. In my previous post I provided one potential plan to lift America’s floundering education system from the bottom of the cesspool, but it is possible, however unlikely, that the plan may not work. Breaking lesson plans into engagement fragments so the students don’t have to focus or sit still for too long might have unexpected consequences. Also, while highly improbable, it is possible that demanding teachers attend to an impossible number of tasks at once while being highly critical of their performance and paying them peanuts might discourage highly intelligent, educated, or talented people from choosing a career in teaching. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s best to be prepared.

The first solution to America’s education woes was a sensible one. In the movies, when someone proposes a plan B it’s usually a radical long shot. My plan B is no exception.

Let’s imagine that repeating something, either out loud, or in thoughts, increases the likelihood that it will be remembered or believed. I know there’s no evidence to suggest that this is true. It doesn’t work for advertisers. It’s a useless political campaign tool. When the Bush administration kept mentioning Saddam Hussien and Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda together, over and over again, nobody got confused about the relationships between them. It’s suspected to be a useless strategy. No one would ever repeat a new phone number to themselves when paper, pen, and computer weren’t around.

Did you know fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance?

Another vaguely artsy photo

Another vaguely artsy photo

Humor me. Let’s pretend that repetition is the first step towards remembrance. Even if you don’t entirely understand what you’re repeating, it may be possible that repetition is the first step towards remembrance. I know it’s hard, but try and believe that repetition is the first step towards remembrance. Go with it.

Repetition is the first step towards remembrance, but remembering isn’t learning.

America would likely struggle if we equated remembering with learning.

Repetition is the first step towards remembrance, but understanding is the first step towards retention. Creating understanding is harder than making something memorable, but that doesn’t mean that remembering is an impediment to understanding and I posit that, in some rare instances, remembering might make understanding a concept easier. It’s a big leap of faith, but that’s the way plan Bs work.

If we imagine repetition is the first step towards remembrance, there is a way to infuse a repetition of useful tidbits into the daily lives of average, American youths. Has anyone ever heard of commercials?

Artsy texture photo

Artsy texture photo

Imagine if, at the end of every commercial, a useful factoid was repeated. If, after encouraging people to taste the rainbow, Mars inc. blurted, “The squared length of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the remaining two sides” a few people might remember in time. Skittles could even incorporate a prism into its logo. After all prisms split light, and they have angles. It’s all unavoidably relevant to the product.

 

Why let Mars rake in all the public service kudos? Other companies owe it to themselves and to the American people to hop on board the factoid infusion train. Reese’s peanut butter cups, owned by Hershey’s, have an opportunity to cash in with their flexible slogan, “There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s”. Below is a rough sketch to infuse education with candy advertisement.

Here’s an idea for Reese’s:

Picture if you will, a middle school youth hunched over a ponderous tome. The youth is clearly agitated. He’s running his fingers through his hair in confusion. Finally, embroiled with academic frustration. He slams the tome shut. We see on its front cover the title impossible math problems. There is a package of four uneaten Reese’s peanut butter cups on his left hand side. He looks over at them and sighs.

His mother enters. “What’s the matter, honey?” she asks.

Son: “I promised myself I wouldn’t eat my Reese’s until I finished the polynomial assignment, but I can’t figure out this last problem.”

Mother: “Oh, let me see” She says while opening the tome. “No worries, this one’s easy. I’ll show you on our whiteboard. The book is asking you to multiply two binomials.” She points to the problem after it’s written on the whiteboard. “When multiplying binomials there’s a well known strategy. I’ll use a visual aid to help you understand.” She picks up his Reese’s. “You multiply the first terms together.” The camera cuts to a shot of her cramming the first buttercup into her mouth next to the product of the first step. “Then you multiply the outside terms together.” She eats the outside circumference of one of the middle buttercups next to the product of the second step. “Next you multiply the inside terms” She eats an interior circumference of the other untouched peanut butter cup next to product of the third step. “Then you multiply the last terms together” She crams the last peanut butter cup in her mouth next to the product. “Then finally, you combine like terms and simplify the expression.” She places the uneaten interior circumference inside the uneaten exterior circumference and consumes the remaining tidbits of peanut butter cup. “Problem solved!” Shot of solved math problem.

Final shot of son looking dumbfounded and aghast.

Cut to product placement and slogan reaffirmation.

Dramatic voice: “First. Outside. Inside. Last. Simplify. There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s”

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Unrelated Artsy photo

 

The infusion can also extend beyond math and candy. Science and music go well together. It’s an opportunity for Rhapsody.

Here’s an idea for Rhapsody:

Scene of two young woman clearly enjoying some popular tune.

Woman 1: “This is great, but let’s turn up the volume.

Woman 2: walks over to her music player poised to turn the volume dial, but before she can, woman two grabs her wrist.

Woman 2: “No, what are you doing?”

Woman 1:”Turning up the volume.”

Woman 2:”No! No! No! That’s not volume; it’s amplitude, the measurement of wave crests. Volume is the measurement of occupied space. Let me show you.”

Cut to scene of house filled with people and a DJ with an arsenal of music selection from rhapsody.

Woman 2:”With the endless selection of music titles available at rhapsody, it’s easy to turn up the volume!” Cut to slogan.

Dramatic voice: “Volume, a measurement of occupied space. Turn up the volume with Rhapsody.”

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Vaguely artsy photo

 

An idea for Nike:

Finally no discussion of shameless advertisement would be complete without Nike. An immediate educational ad comes to mind. Math and science aren’t the only subjects that could benefit from corporate fortification. Below is a little prose that fits all kinds of inspirational sports related cinematography.

Dramatic voice:

“at the park

on the court

in the bank

through the forest

beneath the sky

under the clouds

up the mountain

down the cliff

before the sun

with the rain

past your opponent

near your friend

Nike will take you anywhere

Prepositional phrases brought to you by Nike.”

Each of these prepositional phrases could fit all kinds of sports imagery.

 

These are just a few examples of how corporate interests could bolster public education.

You’re welcome.

Solving America’s education gap: Idea #0008

Unrelated artsy photo: Click for full size.

Unrelated artsy photo: Click for full size.

Citizens of the United States know that it is the greatest, best country god has ever given man on the face of the earth. It’s a clear and indisputable fact. Therefore, when this country is in trouble, the earth is in trouble. As many have heard, we are in danger.

America is falling behind! Everyone’s heard the news. The U.S. Education system has become sub-par. It’s been mentioned by all major news outlets a number of times, and various sources have been cited. Few can remember which sources. At best, most viewers have a vague recollection of seeing a chart and a rank of the U.S. vs. the rest of the world. Those viewers likely remember that U.S.A was not number one, nor was it anywhere near that rank. Truly, that’s the only important datum. Who has time to be bothered with specifics about sampling methods, the difference between means and medians, normality curves and T-tests, and splitting the U.S. into more than one statistical population. That’s for egg heads. The U.S. isn’t number one. Nothing else matters, except who to blame.

When it comes to education, only one group of individuals is relevant, the teachers. Administrators are not at fault, and school boards are sinless. Their only purpose is to tell the teachers what to do. It’s also helpful if they change their mind every year, drastically overhaul the school’s classroom structures to comply with the latest trends, and schedule a week’s worth of professional development during school days to update all faculty on the latest changes and buzz words.

If your son or daughter is failing, it’s not his or her fault, nor is it yours. After all, your child isn’t in control of his or her actions. Parents, put down those arithmetic flash cards! Once your child comes home, school is over. Remember, the person that has the biggest impact on a child’s education is the teacher. Let go. Try not to think of them as your children anymore. Don’t worry about who they’re hanging out with. Friends have no influence on your child’s zest for learning; only the instructor can motivate a student. If a student fails, the only possible explanation is that the teacher failed. We need to be harsher, stricter on these ineffective educators. There are steps that can be taken.

You've been reading for a few minutes. The human brain wasn't designed to focus on one thing for so long. Look at the silly doggy!

You’ve been reading for a few minutes. The human brain wasn’t designed to focus on one thing for so long. Look at the silly doggy!

Teachers need more paperwork. Writing lesson plans and evaluations, behavior reports, grading papers, and preparing extracurricular activities, isn’t a large enough workload for a responsible, caring educator. They should be writing TPS reports, three research papers on their classroom, and attend and pay for four extra university credits of professional development style course work every school year. If they can accomplish all that, they need to be given more responsibilities. The workload must be increased until it is impossible for them to complete all of the tasks. As long as there’s a task they did not complete, there’s an excuse to fire them. Once these changes have been implemented, the U.S. can focus on classroom format.

We should treat all subjects exactly the same. The format in a mathematics classroom should follow the format of an English classroom, which should be identical to a science classroom, which should be no different than a history classroom, which should be the same as a home economics classroom. In all these different classrooms, teachers must not spend anymore than fifteen minutes presenting new material. Once the fifteen minutes are up, it’s time to begin engagement exercises. It’s important that students aren’t forced to sit still for anymore than fifteen minutes at a time. This will prepare them for all the hour long lectures in college. After fifteen minutes, they need to get up and walk around with different colored markers and write words on posters, or make lame pseudo-origami foldables with vocabulary words. All classrooms must be broken into the three time segments of you do, we do, and I do. Any other format is just crazy, and because all subjects are the same, we should have the same expectations for all teachers.

It's unreasonable to focus on one thing for more than 15 minutes. Take a gander at this artsy photo.

It’s unreasonable to focus on one thing for more than 15 minutes. Take a gander at this artsy photo.

Creating activities in an English classroom or a math classroom takes the same amount of preparation as in a science classroom. For every lesson, an English teacher needs to think about what kind of chemicals they might need, as well as which tools to get out for measuring volume, and mass. They also have to think about whether or not the school has those supplies, or if they must go to the store and spend their own money on them. Also they have to consider how long it will to take to set up, make certain the activity can be completed by a crowd of stumbling, bumbling students in the allotted time while factoring in the cleanup, consider the safety issues, and write a flawless sequence of numbered steps that leave no room for misinterpretation. Science must have activities every day, just like math and English. It’s only fair. We shouldn’t treat two different subjects differently, just as we shouldn’t treat different students differently.

It’s dangerous to proceed as if different students have different strengths and weaknesses. We must remember that all students can succeed in the same way, at the same things, at the same rate regardless of their intellect, background knowledge, or language barriers. As we all know from Charles Darwin’s origin of species, all individuals in a population have equal fitness in every trait and for all niches. Remember, only teachers can fail. Let’s grade them.

The best course of action to evaluate our educators would be to develop a rubric that attempts to apply quantitative measures to subjective qualities. We need to put a number on how well they anticipate student misconceptions, never mind the units. A scale must be devised to express the effectiveness in motivating students. Motivation is an easily measured quantity. We also need to maximize differentiation. If every concept doesn’t have a visual aid, and kinetic memory strategy, its not good teaching.

Finally, we need a constant supply of fresh new first year teachers in low income schools that adhere to the standards of the new teacher’s project. After the second year, they should rotate out to charter schools or administration, so more first year teachers can start at those low income schools. If this magnificent plan fails, we’ll have to try plan B, which I will post later this week.

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Whew! How can anyone stay seated for so long. Look at this artsy photo and then go walk around and write on posters with colored markers.

Solving the water crisis: Idea #0007

Unrelated artistic photograph

Unrelated artistic photograph: click for full size

Across the globe there are many places where water demand exceeds water supply. It is no secret that only a fraction of a percent of the worlds water is potable and that the supply remains constant while demand increases. Clearly we need better water management. I can think of no one better than a large multi-national corporate entity. It’s time to privatize all water for the betterment of mankind. If all water is managed by a few corporate super powers, it can only result in the most balanced altruistic distribution of a precious natural resource the world has ever known.

Pepsico, please bottle all potable public water; its far safer as a packaged product. Steer us away from this municipal madness. Sell us our rivers and transform our wretched aquifers into Aquafinas. Coca-cola, please drain all the dreadful lakes languishing across the country and convert them into Dasani. Nestlé needs more plastic to free us from the foolishness of affordable water. When it takes 2000 times more energy to distribute water, it discourages waste. We also need new large scale entities to oversee the ownership of water. Who better than Pfizer for the patronage of our water quality when they have such an investiture in public health. Water will flow freely when we surrender our liquid assets to our betters. Welcome to a refreshing new world.

Personal salvation and unwanted conversation: Idea #002

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Unrelated artsy photo

Each of us periodically encounter conversations or people we don’t like and yet are socially obligated to endure. When this happens don’t panic. As the conversation proceeds, simply turn your head to the side, cup your hands to your mouth like you’re shouting off into the distance, and quietly whisper “Help! Superman! Help!” This action will end your social encounter often with its first implementation. If not, very few repetitions are needed to exterminate unwanted social growths.

The solution to war: Idea #0006

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Unrelated artsy photograph click for full size

War is awful. It’s gruesome, psychologically haunting, devastates ecosystems, reduces communities to rubble, and nurtures murderous grudges that last for generations and ignite future conflicts in an endless, vicious, cycle. War is the slick, dark serpent that, with its rippling, muscled coils, chokes and crushes our hopes for escaping extinction.

Yet over yonder, off in the distance, there’s a blinding twinkle of light. Could it be divine intervention approaching? Is it perhaps an alien craft coming here to deliver us from our misguided ways with a benevolent extraterrestrial dictatorship? Nay, it’s just a local robot. War’s end is already being inadvertently developed. Right now they come in the form of the deadly attack drones and slightly less malicious surveillance drones. They are despicably unfair. When one nation can harm the citizens of another nation without risking its own, it wears away at the forethought used before initiating offensive actions.

In time however, other countries will develop fancy drones as well. Once every country has a sufficiently advanced robotic army, warring nations can send wave after wave of robots to fight the opposing waves of robots until both countries run out of resources and are indefinitely crippled. Indefinitely crippled nations can’t wage war. This should continue until the entire world is out of resources and destitute. Then at last we can have peace, horrible, horrible peace.

Personal salvation and clothing: Idea # 001

Saving the world entails more than simple grandiose plans for trash, elections, and nuclear proliferation. It takes people, and our own personal conflicts and struggles are merely smaller components of the maladies that afflict the planet and its population as a whole. Therefore it is the intent of these personal salvation posts to provide viable solutions to all our trifling problems one at a time. First on the list: clothing deterioration.

We all have our favorite clothes. They’re comfy, fashionable, and are sometimes associated with warm comforting memories. Unfortunately, clothes must weather the ravages of time, the elements, and the occasional spill from fine or sloppy dining. Fret not. For while these inevitable misfortunes can seem like a social or financial setback, they are an opportunity. Like with people, scars give clothes character, and they are an opportunity for artistic expression and clothing growth. Introducing Frankenclothes®!

Related artsy photo

Related artsy photo

With no skill and meager intellect, anyone can rescue their own damaged clothing and create these masterpieces of personal expression and frugality. Sewing is easy. Just thread the needle, tie one end into a knot or slipknot as necessary, and weave it in and out, in and out, and in and out as needed. Thread is like glue for fabric! Sure you can try and sew patches with matching color and even stitching that doesn’t appear to be the work of a mentally handicapped ape, but then it would be harder for people to tell that you did it yourself. Where’s the fun in that? In the artsy photo above, (In retrospect, a red background would have been better.) the frayed cuff of the sweatshirt has been repaired by a crookedly cut and stitched scrap of blue fabric. The tear in the leg of the black pants has been hastily stitched closed  in a seam that speaks of the dexterity of a three fingered prodigy. The sock is a testament to the indispensable functionality of this minor skill and personal salvation practice. The patch covers a hole. As we all know, socks are incredibly susceptible to holes after only a few months, a tragedy that everyone experiences. Well tragedy no more! After all, what were you going to do? Go to the store and buy a new pack of socks for twelve dollars? Pffft, loser.

The solution to car accidents: Idea #0005 and weekly photo challenge: abandoned

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Vaguely related photo and weekly photo challenge: abandoned
click for full size

According to the world Health Organization 1.7 million people a year are injured in car accidents. Of those injuries, 1.2 million of them are fatal. That’s almost two one hundreths of one percent of the world’s 7 billion people. This is a serious issue. Fortunately there is a solution. We just need to sign all the world’s drivers up for geico insurance, because it’s obvious that people who have geico insurance do not get into automobile accidents.

Only a moment’s reflection is necessary to understand the truth of geico. At this time, geico has several different ad campaigns running. There’s the annoying cavemen, the stupid gecko who needs to be introduced to a hungry house cat, the squealing pig that should be bacon, the worthless pile of talking money, and the assortment of rhetorical questions. They run ads on national television once or twice during virtually every major commercial break, each of which likely costs nearly one hundred thousand dollars. As that clearly is not enough exposure, they constantly run radio ads, internet ads, and decorate billboards. What a relief.

Between breakfast and our journey to work, we might have forgotten that fifteen minutes could save us fifteen percent or more on car insurance. Put down those flash cards, Billy! Believe it or not there are more important things to remember than fractions and multiplication tables! Tell us, how much savings do you get with fifteen minutes?

All the money spent on advertising points to only one thing; geico insured drivers do not get into automobile accidents. How could they? Geico does not have any money left over from advertising to handle an insurance claim. What a thoughtful company. Instead of hording the profits from their life saving insurance policies, they give back to the community by spending all their revenue on a relentless litany to recruit more poor, lost, unbelieving souls thus decreasing traffic fatalities. It’s a noble investment. It would be an unforgivable waste to spend all that currency on frivolous things like research, education, hunger or drought alleviation, cleaning the oceans, reconstruction of war devastated  regions, or, god forbid, raising the salaries of their lowest paid employees.

Here’s to you geico. Time to sign up to your life saving insurance for a safe time posting while drivnaaaaaaafgvb asdk.;